- Kristin
Hey Equalizers!
But why do we do it? Why does January 1 seem like the magical date to start hitting the gym again or go create an online dating profile? Simple, people want change. We all strive to be different, better versions of ourselves and something about the New Year forces that in us.
My challenge would be why let the Roman calendar decide what kind of person you’ll be? Why suddenly when the clocks strikes twelve will you suddenly have all the motivation in the world to go for a promotion or jog a mile every day? The answer? You probably won’t. According to reserach done through Opinion Corporation of Princeton, N.J, only eight percent of people are “always successful” with their resolutions, and one in four fail every single year!
Instead of using New Year’s to be the one day you set goals for change, make every day of the year count. Use the same positive spark you have on New Years year-round. Even if you happen to fall off the wagon and eat a brownie or go on a date with that person you swear you wouldn’t, all is not lost.
If you treat every day like New Years, every day is an opportunity to make a positive change in your life. So, if you need the old ball drop and champagne toast to make a positive change in your life, more power to you, but if March 27th rolls around and it sounds like a mighty fine day to change your life, go for it! Only you know when the best time to make a change is. Remember, each day is the first day of the rest of your life.
If you’re out to your family and they disapprove:
- Don’t pick a fight: Alex touched on this in the Thanksgiving article, but it’s very important. I know it’s hard to hear offensive comments from family members or to even know they may feel a certain way about your life. If someone does make a comment, remember two things: first, they may not be educated about LGBTQ issues and two, anger isn’t going to help them learn. You don’t have to sit back and take it, so if you’re comfortable, simply state calmly why you disagree with the statement or how it is offensive, but don’t engage in an emotional battle.
- Focus on the positives: Remember, your sexuality and gender identity are not the only things that define you. You have plenty of other things in your life to be proud of like career, school, hobbies and achievements. Take this time to brag to everyone about all the amazing things you’re doing in your life.
If you’re not out to your family:
- Don’t be ashamed: There is no time limit on when to come out. If you aren’t ready, no one is forcing you. Sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but if you feel it’s not safe for you to come out this holiday season, it is 100% your decision. Just remember, sometimes, your family will surprise you with how supportive they are, even if they have a bad reaction initially. It can be a shock to others (no matter how obvious you might think your identity is), and sometimes your family needs a little time to process before they come around. Regardless, the holiday dinner table may or may not be the best place for you to make your announcement.
- If you can, confide in someone: Sometimes it helps, if you can, to have just one person close to or in your family know about your sexuality or gender identity. If you can find someone you know will support you and you’re ready, go for it. Sometimes, baby steps are the best way. If you don’t have a family member, at least keep a friend on speed dial and remember that you can always go hide in another room or take a walk if you need to take a break or call someone to talk.
If you are not permitted to go to your family’s for the holidays:
- Keep busy: This can be a hard time to be estranged from your family, but that doesn’t mean you have to be estranged from the whole holiday season. Do things that you’d normally do to celebrate: carol, go to your church or synagogue, bake, play in the snow, or make presents for your friends. You still deserve a break and a celebration!
- Make your own family: If you have a particularly supportive friend, see if you can spend the holiday with their family. Also, not everyone goes home for the holidays, so it’s possible to find a group of friends and create your own traditions. If you can’t find either, there are several organizations that sponsor LGBTQ holiday gatherings such as Wipeout Homophobia, which shares links to LGBTQ friendly get-togethers in different areas. Remember, you can’t choose your birth family, but you can choose who you spend your time with.
If you’re out to your family and they support you:
- Give Back: Remember not everyone is as fortunate. If you know someone is alone on the holidays, try to reach out. This goes for anyone, allies or those in the queer community.
The holidays can be a fabulous time for all if we do our best to keep the holiday spirit! If they aren’t, remember, New Year’s is right around the corner and it will be time to start fresh. On a lighter note, enjoy these fun LGBTQ themed holiday treats:
- Santa comes out article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laurence-watts/santa-claus-gay-comes-out_b_1119330.html
- LGBTQ Christmas cards: http://www.outinjersey.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1441:the-most-fabulous-gay-family-christmas-greeting-card-ever
- Kristin
Thanksgiving is traditionally my least favorite holiday. I’m not too stoked on celebrating the massive genocide of turkeys (although really, there’s a massive animal genocide every day of every week of every month of every year as long as factory farms remain open) or spreading cheer for some jerks that showed up on a big boat and stole land from people that had been living on it forever.
However, I’ve chosen to reclaim the holiday in the name of actually being thankful for what I have, giving to those who don’t, and spending my time with people in my life that I care about as well as geography will allow. (One downfall of having traveled so much is having good friends everywhere.) I’m lucky that I’m an adult with the ability to separate myself from uncomfortable family gatherings to celebrate today with less awkward company, but I know not all of you Equalizers are so fortunate, so…here are some tips on surviving family fun times:
1. Be thankful! Despite all of the crap that the universe throws at us at times, it also gives us a lot of goodness. Take today to remember the good things, and if it’s hard to come up with any, think harder.
2. Eat healthy! It’s so tempting to take an extra slice or two of your aunt’s pie or another helping of gravy-laden potatoes, but your body and mind will be eternally grateful to you if you keep the gluttony to a minimum. Just remember, whatever you don’t eat today, you get to eat for leftovers tomorrow! Mmmm!
3. Speak your truth! As much as you’re able (I know some of you might be stuck in situations where you have to hide your true selves to keep a roof over your head, unfortunately), speak up if someone says something messed up. Your tea partying relatives think they can run their mouths, but guess what? You can also run yours! Just remember to keep it diplomatic - just like you don’t like to be attacked or hated for your opinions, neither do they. It might make dinner even more awkward, but isn’t it fun to watch your extended family squirm when you tell them about your queer partner or your activism work? ;)
Of course, the number one priority for today…enjoy yourself! Just because something has had a tradition of sucking in the past doesn’t mean it always has to be that way, and if it’s usually great, make it even better.
Happy Thanksgiving, EQ-ties!
Alex
P.S. If you want to know more about why you should eschew turkey and ham on your dinner table, check out http://www.earthlings.com.
by rachel frances
This is one of the many outcries from struggling and suicidal teenagers all over the world. Recently, news spread about Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14 year old New York High school student who took his life last month, or Jaime Hubley, 15 years old from Ottawa, Canada, and and Sam Denham, 13 years old from Kentucky, who took their lives last only last week. These three young men lived in different regions of the continent and lived very different lives from each other. Unfortunately, they had one undeniable association. They were all targets of incessant and long-term bullying.
If I were to speak from my heart, I would lay down all my words and rhetoric. If I could turn my words into a feeling and give it to you all I would. Sometimes words just fall short of expressing the deepest of emotions, or show fears coming true and dreams disappearing. My heart aches tonight, and leaves me speechless, with only ambivalent feelings of despair and motivation to make a difference in this world.
Where did this begin, and where is this going to end?
To the schools that have tried to cover up or dismiss the bullying; are denying their responsibility in this situation; or are ignoring the gravity of this ongoing problem: Do you feel you made the right decision? Or upon reflection, was there more you could have done?
To the parents of the fallen children and the ones alive and in pain: Forgive yourself, you do the best you can. Talk to your children. Hear them out without judgment, and refrain from telling them to “ignore it.” Instead, ask them what they think they need to get through this. Redirect their search for love back into and their loved ones and themselves. They need a lot of support during this time, and relentless reinforcement that they don’t need to “fit in” to be loveable. Role model this for them by standing by their side proudly, especially for our queer youth that are simultaneously dealing with puberty, teen angst, and now arbitrary discrimination because of who they love or who they are.
And to the bullies of the fallen teenagers and the ones who are suffering: It is time for you to take responsibility as well. Somewhere along the way, you didn’t get the message that to dominate and tear down another doesnt make you strong, it only proves your fear. Maybe your own experiences or pain caused emotions that resulted in an attack on someone more docile than yourself. Perhaps you may have not gotten the necessary firm guidance from parents, teachers, and administrators thus far, as we are in a generation in which there is fear to speak the truth, set limits, and get real with kids, for fear of suing, parental backlash, or enabling of children’s poor or offensive behavior, or loss of a job in an economy that we are told is crumbling. I’m so sorry for that, and I highly doubt any of you wanted a suicide on your conscience. This is your chance to make right what has passed by learning from this experience and reaching out to tell the world just how destructive and life-threatening bullying is.
Lastly, to those of you who say suicide is an attempt for fame like stars such as Gaga. Well, I’m going to refrain from commenting and let you just think about what you said.
So I ask: what is the turning point? How many lives are going to extinguish prematurely before a collective change in attitude emerges? If it were up to me, the change would happen right now, but I can’t do it myself. You all have strengths and you all have a voice to speak up against bullying and discrimination. After all, that’s what makes you an Equalizer! One of Equalize’s founding principles states: One person can make a difference, but together, we can start a revolution!
Love and light to you, my little Equalizers. Thank you for speaking up and saving a life today! <3
Hey EQs!
I just found this great article someone wrote about how the Smithsonian Institute refuses to recognize the validity of transpeople (specifically transmen, in this example) in history, instead touting them as women that lived as men for the purposes of working in a particular field or joining the military.
Sorry Smithsonian, transpeople exist today, just as they have throughout all of history! Please get your facts right!
Never. Keep. Quiet.
Ever.
If someone says something to you that you know is wrong, you speak up. If you overhear someone saying something that keeps oppression safe in dominant culture, you speak up. If someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, you speak up.
Many of you who have come to our booth at an event before, have a little brightly-colored Equalizer card. On one side of the card is a pledge to interrupt any homophobic or transphobic speech you hear in a tactful and educational (not shaming) way. Carrying this card entitles you to Equalizer status - you can speak up whenever and wherever necessary, and if anyone gives you trouble, you tell them you’re an Equalizer and it’s your official duty to educate people on how words hurt.
However, I’d like to invite you all to extend that pledge to any kind of oppressive speech or action. Racist remarks, sexist remarks, unwanted cat calls…please speak up! The thing is, a lot of people just don’t realize what they’re saying or how what they’re doing affects others, and that’s why they say these things. They’re just repeating things they heard someone else say or heard on TV, trying to sound cool.
What people also don’t understand is stopping this kind of speech can literally save lives. When people repeat or use certain words, it keeps it “ok” to say them and therefore “ok” for people to think down upon the group the words are oppressing. That, in turn, makes it okay to bully people for things that are inherent to them, like being queer or having a certain skin color, or even to use violence against people. It’s a terrible cycle.
The other night, I was working a show and I heard the lead singer of the band onstage yell out, “Come on, faggots!” between songs. Immediately, I saw red, and was about to tear through the crowd to go yell at the guy. Obviously, that’s not the best response, so it was good I had a moment to breathe and collect my thoughts before I approached him. Later that night, I went over to the merch table and spoke with a different member of the band.
I said, “Hey, I’m pretty sure I heard your singer drop the f-bomb, faggot, onstage tonight. Abuse the audience as much as y’all want, that’s your prerogative, but don’t use that word again. I’m gay, and I know for a fact I’m not the only gay person here tonight, and that word is incredibly hurtful. People have died over it; they’ve been lynched, dragged behind cars…please tell him not to say that onstage again. It’s just not cool.”
I was expecting to get laughed at or told to go screw myself (in much harsher language), but instead, the guy gave me a sincere apology! Then, when I was working the show the next night, he came back and said he talked to his singer and he was very sorry, the word just slipped out, and he’d already been working on not using it anymore. A couple of nights later, I had someone else come by and thank me as well because he knew the singer and had already told him not to say that on stage anymore!
HOW COOL IS THAT?! Little old me with my big old mouth pulled my Equalizer card and actually made a difference. That one guy not saying the f-word in front of 1000 kids each night of this tour means that 1000 less kids per night for the next two weeks will not get reinforcement that the f-word is an okay thing to say.
STAY LOUD!
What’s up guys, how’s it going? Linly here, checking in to give you the heads up on what I’m listening to right now. Current playlist is blasting Sick Of Sarah’s entire catalogue. That’s right kids, keep reading. I’ve got you hooked with just that name.
Ever heard of them? Point blank opinion from your newest informant on making your ears happy; If you haven’t, you need to take a moment to give them a listen. These ladies are loud and energetic both on stage and off, giving everything they do their all. With a sound that reminds me of The Sounds, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and Tegan And Sara, my laptop has had them on repeat for weeks. I first saw Sick of Sarah a month ago on Warped Tour and was blown away by the way they spent half of their time playing and half of their time taking care of over heated fans on one of the hottest days of the year. When I wandered over to where they were watching Paramore, they ended up helping me find a better spot to stand so your not-so-tall informant could actually see the stage. If you happened to get caught up in the dust and crowds at Warped, meaning you missed them this summer, never fear. They hail from Minnesota but are currently making their way across the US on The Lady Killer Tour to support their album 2205.
EQ caught up with Jessie, Jessica, Jamie, Abisha, and Katie of Sick Of Sarah on their first night of tour in Boston, MA. We got to chat with them for a little bit about their latest album, drying their gear after a downpour on stage, and just what they think when they hear “That’s so Gay.”
EQ: Your album 2205 was released on BitTorrent for free download earlier this year Can you tell me how that went over for you guys and what your label thought about it?
- Jamie: Our label actually brought it to us and asked us how we felt about it and what we wanted to do. We thought it was a great opportunity for our fans. There are so many users, we just wanted people to hear our music so yeah, we definitely wanted to do it. And we’ve had a lot of people come out to our shows and say they saw us there first.
EQ: Tonight is the first night of the Lady Killer Tour supporting that album. You’ve got Hunter Valentine and Vanity Theft with you. If you could add one band past or present to this tour- who would it be?
- Jessie: Joan Jett.
- Katie: Metric
- Abisha: Ohhh Yeah! Metric.
- Jamie: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
- Abisha: All of them. How about we just take Vanity Theft and Hunter Valentine out of the picture? (Laughs)
EQ: Spill your worst road habits.
- Abisha: When we’re on the road, we don’t get time to sit down and make meals, so obviously we end up getting really shitty food.
- Jamie: Sleeping habits are really bad too.
- Jessica: Smoking way too many cigarettes on the road.
- Abisha: Don’t do drugs! We cant really do that. You cant do that and do this work. We know because of Jessie. I’m just kidding. Just kidding.
- Katie: No, we watch other bands party all night long and its just like, how can you do that? We’re too tired for that.
- Abisha: We’re like “Yo, chips.”
- Katie: We’re in to Fritos.
EQ: Tour, tour, tour! We recently had the chance to see you on Warped Tour. There was this amazing moment at the Mansfield show where pretty much the entire tour shut down because of rain. You guys were known as the only band to keep playing through the downpour. I know that was one of the more memorable moments for me, but what were some of yours?
- Abisha: That!
- Katie: I didn’t think about the fact that we probably could have been electrocuted. It never crossed my mind.
- Jamie: They told us we were the only band that actually stayed open. We definitely had a lot of other bands that came up to us after and gave us a pat on the back. We played actually, as a four piece. Jessie-
- Jessie: I almost slid off the stage. I saved my guitar though. I managed the old softball slide. We lost a tuner out of the deal though.
- Jessica: Not too bad.
- Jamie: We blow dried all of our gear after the show.
EQ: You jut said a number of bands came up to you after that incident. Do you think it was harder being out there as an all female band, or do you think that the such a large tour made it easier for them to step back and accept how much hard work you put in?
- Jamie: I think at first they questioned, but because they were curious. And I think after coming out and seeing our show, they were really supportive.
EQ: Speaking of accepting others, a mission of ours is to provide equal acceptance for everyone through the music scene. Growing up, where was the place you felt the safest being yourself regardless of what that meant, and why?
- Abisha: With my friends
- Katie: I was always pretty safe at home. I had really great parents that supported me through everything.
EQ: A big focus of ours right now is the amount of derogatory slang being used such as No Homo and That’s so gay. What do you think is the best defense against those types of things when you hear them?
- Jessie: (As a group of people walked through our interview, she starts to laugh) That, right there. Probably to walk away. But one thing I kinda did growing up was take it back. Like, if somebody would say it, I’d ask what they meant. “Really? Is it? Is it rainbow colored? Does it talk with a lisp?” They’d tell me I knew, and I’d be like no, I don’t. You used gay in a negative connotation and thats not cool.
- Katie: I’d usually just question what they’re referring to. I didn’t know that History class had a sexuality!
EQ: Finally, tell me what you plan on doing with your no homo(phobia) stickers!
- Jessie & Katie: Guitar case.
- Jessica: I’m gonna put it on my leg.
- Abisha: My forehead. You know. And then when I try to read it in the mirror it’ll be backwards. I’ll be really confused.
- Jamie: No, I’m putting mine on the back of the trailer. We have a lot of stickers back there.
Just as I suspected, they gave me nothing short of an amazing show after our interview ended. Now tell me, have we wrapped you around our little fingers and and you’re still looking for more? Check out their newest video. and then go in search of their closest show. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it. Tell them Linly and Equalize sent you.
Hey EQualizers! Click on this link to listen to an interview with Alex done by the always awesome Ashley from the Oregon Sexual Assault Task Force. He talks about the history of Equalize, what it’s like to work with the music industry, and how to be a healthy activist. LISTEN NOW!!! NOW!!! :D
